Confidence is coming up repeatedly in the executive coaching I’m doing. What I find particularly interesting about this is that, in the published research, confidence is more often spoken of as an issue for female executives – there’s really very little discussion of men and confidence at all. Yet obviously men go through their own confidence journeys. They’re just not as open about it, they’re not as verbal about it and it gets hidden better.
The more I talk about confidence with men who have good self-awareness the more I hear them saying, ‘yeah, but that’s not just a female issue’. But I don’t see confidence raised much in public in the context of male executives.
One point I think gets missed is that it’s not just under-confidence that’s a problem. At one Sydney-based commercial bank I work with some of the male executives are consistently over-confident in their forward projections. I suspect though that this stems more from cultural imperative to be seen to be confident. Whatever the reason the fact remains that confidence is at the root of some real practical problems for this organisation.
The good thing about having a confidence problem is that recognising and acknowledging it is most of the battle. There are plenty of well-proven and simple techniques I can use to support someone in removing this barrier to their progress.
4 Comments to Confidence – it’s not just for girls
I think that both the surplus and deficit of Confidence is fear based. Perhaps not so much a fear of being exlcuded as much as a fear of being found out?
Ive often had to deal with ‘over confident’ people and when challenged they tend to buckle. Sometimes over confidence is a front or cloud cover for hiding the fact that the person doesnt really know THAT much about what they are talking about.
Real confidence comes not from knowing “that much” but from trusting in one’s own ability to navigate through the archepelago of the unknown, and having the courage to accept that getting stuck ona reef once in a while is a part of the way forward.
Lack of confidence and overconfidence can often both be attributed to the same thing, a fear of exclusion. In the one case causing a retreat, in the other over compensating.
I think it is interesting to consider what the opposite of confidence is.
Perhaps in some cases it is shame?
If you believe you should know what you are doing but don’t then you may feel ashamed at your inability.
Creating a situation in which you can acknowledge how you feel being unconfident can cause the lack of confidence to disappear without addressing it head on.
One of my clients lost their way after a few set backs. The 3 partners lost confidence and BELIEVED the market is soft, we have to discount, we are selling to the wrong market, our offer is not good enough…….yet their clients LOVE them!
Fact or belief? Lack of confidence can manipulate our beliefs and we search for evidence to support negative beliefs. When we start looking for evidence for positive beliefs, the tide can turn. This client has doubled their turnover and tripled their profit in the last quarter – FACT
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